I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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