Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
