That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
