He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
