I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
