Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
