I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
