The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
