My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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