so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize