I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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