i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
