she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
