That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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