So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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