she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think my moral compass just broke
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