I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
