Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
