I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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