Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
