I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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