Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
