If i come over, it means nothing
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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