____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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