And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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