i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
