he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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