Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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