mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This toilet bowl is my home.
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