Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
