i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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