I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize