I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's the barista slut.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
