woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
