Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
