Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
