i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize