Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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