It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
