girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
