There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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