Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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