I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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