On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
