It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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