So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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