I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
