Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
