The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
