Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
