guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
