1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
