Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he was CRYING into my vagina
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
