Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
