I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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