i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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