The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
