I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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