I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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