Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
