White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
