I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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