Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
