I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
