I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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