obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
