So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
