Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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