how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
