I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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