either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
