I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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