...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
