if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
