meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize