So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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