I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
