Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
