do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
