i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
