having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
