Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
