Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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