I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
