Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
