God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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