i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
