Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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