i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The adults are the big ones right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
