i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
