get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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