First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
