There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
