I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
