i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
