Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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