we have pet lesbian snakes
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
