I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
