I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize