I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
