I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize