sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
