Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
