that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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