I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
