yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
