she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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