U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
