apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
