The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize