Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
