I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
