i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
