i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
