we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
