i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
